Not 39 Forever: No.14 - This time next year Rodders

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One of the things with my work is that I get to see and read about the latest social media trends. It never quite grabs me mind you in that work environment, it's like having your mum stood behind you when you're on the internet, you're not quite free to do what you want. I heard and so had a look at that "Branch" idea the other day. It's basically Twitter but you can put longer messages in it. THAT WAS MY IDEA. MY IDEA. I called it two years ago you see "I'm going to invent a Twitter where you can have 180 characters"
I'm sure there's more to it than that and I'm being tongue in cheek evidently, but I come up with ideas all the time, hare brained or otherwise and a lack of money, spare time and being arsed if I'm honest prevents me ever taking them further while other people form a project plan and turn themselves into millionaires overnight.

Let's take something like Spotify (Yes longer term readers, I'm turning on the re-hash button cos it's a Sunday morning....) I seriously have no idea what Spotify is. I suspect it is one of those things started by a spotty, geeky pre-pubescent in his bedroom. He will still be a spotty (or maybe a Spot-ify!) geeky pre-pubescent but he will now be a billionaire who sits in an ivory tower stroking a cat all day.

What I do know is it’s the next big thing, or maybe the last big thing if you’re not as backward as me. Just like Napster, Google, You Tube, Facebook, Twitter etc someone is making millions out of it, despite there being apparently no cost to the user.

I’m getting a bit sick of hearing about the next big thing and have decided that I want in on it. Not because I want to get rich like all the other evil capitalist pigs but because like many people, my job’s OK but I work to live and like most of the population would rather be doing something else if it paid the bills. One good idea could make that happen.

To be honest I do my bit already: editing and writing a fanzine and books which 90% of Wigan Athletic fans ignore let alone 100% of the rest of the world but it is putting into jeopardy my plans to enjoy a nice early retirement, preferably next year. So bollocks to you lot, I’ll see you later.

Erm…has anyone got any ideas then??

In truth, I’ve had plenty but I’ve never had the money behind me and I just can't ever see myself with a ‘look at me a self made man’ grins and three piece suits in the local paper. Let alone the time to focus on anything on a daily basis more complicated than checking that my flies are done up. I do the down trodden look to a tee and like wallowing in my own mediocrity yet it’s fair to say other people have got rich numerous times just by doing what I’ve thought of mind you as I will elucidate.

You see, a young Jimmy used to regularly visit an establishment known as Jamal’s next to the Pear Tree pub on Frog Lane on his way home. We used to always have the crack with Jamal, and of course when we went back next, usually on the Sunday night, he’d scald me like a good ‘un: ‘You were drunk last night Jimmy!’ But he became a mate and still is.

Thing is, twelve years ago the internet and even mobile phones were a fledging industry and I was probably in possession of my first mobile phone, an Erikkson summat or other, you know the big one with a massive rubber aerial on it. Nine out of ten of the websites you visit now were not even in existence. I’d had a brain wave though. You see we used to ring our order through to Jamal if we were stumbling back from Scholes or Wigan Lane to tell him to get it ready, and when HE got a mobile phone, we had the idea of texting the bugger: ‘dona kebab xtra chilli and onion ta boss and gb with ch’ or some other such bollocks.

It’s a Friday night half past twelve in the year 1999 and I’m in Jamal’s kebab shop pissed up:

‘Ere Jamal what if I built you a website, put the menu online and put your number on it, people could ring you up and call you and book it just by using the internet. We could even put your mobile phone number on and tell them to send you a code, like 10C&TDP & BOC (Bag o’ chips) er then their address of course. Or you could get a PC and they could email you their order, you could get them to fill in a form – right there on the world wide web - I’ve no idea how the hell you do it, but I’m sure I could work it out. Or they could click a few buttons and it could convert that order into some shorthand that you understand’

All makes sense to me but then I’m thinking, I could go around ALL the kebab shops, and pizza places, and then do the Chinese and the Indians, charge them a few quid a month processing fees, give them the spiel that’s it’s going to be the big new thing and I’ll be quids in. Set up a message board thing where all the locals can rate their takeaway and discuss the best ones around. In fact, fuck Wigan, let’s take it to Bolton, Preston, Manc & Liverpool before you know it, I’ll be making millions.

Summer 2008 and I’m on holiday with the missus regaling this tale of entrepreneurial spirit. ‘You have all these daft ideas, when you get home I want you to do something about it for a change’
Three months on, and I’m stumbling down King Street, Wigan and….

Click Here

I quote: ‘Just-Eat opened its virtual doors in 2001. Founded in Denmark by a group of friends with a serious case of the munchies, Just-Eat has gone on to become the undisputed online champ of European takeaway, with local flavours in eight countries.’
They’ve got venture capitalists eating out of the palm of their pizza box, meanwhile I’m struggling to pay the gas bill

Still never mind Rodders, this time next year….we’ll be millionaires

Next month: Why do we pay money to those gentlemen in toilets for a squirt of deodorant and aftershave. Why don't I just make a small 'bullet-sized' single squirt device that has deodorant coming out of one end and aftershave out of the other, I'd make a fucking packet!!



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